Daily Baby Blog — Up Till Now

When we brought William home, I started writing a (roughly) daily baby tweet to catalogue his life. Twitter got too problematic to support, so I moved it over here. I still wanted to save those posts. So here they are: the first 120 days of the Daily Baby Blog. Some dates are missing, but that’s what happens with kids. Also, I kept all original misspellings. That’s also what happens with kids. 

​10/20
Day 120 — William rolled onto his side today unassisted. Our doom is nigh.
 
10/19
Day 119 — William started full-on crying, while remaining entirely asleep. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
 
10/17
Day 117 — I cannot tell if William is starting to teeth, or if he just decided to shove everything in his mouth for fun.
 
10/16
Day 116 — Napping at home in a nice quiet space: impossible. Napping in a room full of twenty people talking: yeah sure why not.
 
10/14
Day 114 — Today, during a diaper change, William peed on a cloth, then reportedly stuck said cloth in his mouth. My son is very smart.
 
10/12
Day 112 — Footie pajamas. Sweater. Socks on hands. Socks on feet (on top of footie pajama feet). Two blankets.
 
10/11
Day 111 — When I plop my head on William and he grabs my hair, it kind of works like a comb. Getting ready just got way more fun.
 
10/10
Day 110 — Wife Wife insists that William’s outfit means it’s Valentine’s Day. I was incapable of shaking her from this stance.
 
10/8
Day 108 – Turns out apple picking while wearing a baby is really difficult.
 
10/7
Day 107 — Hiccup the Dog’s new favorite thing is stealing William’s socks off his feet while he is napping.
 
10/6
Day 106 — Almost named my Stardew Valley character after William, then decided the relationship part would be too weird.
 
10/5
Day 105 — Wife Wife insists that William will grow to have an unhealthy relationship with Hostess powdered donuts.
 
10/4
Day 104 — William seems to be watching TV…
 
10/3
Day 103 — On days like yesterday and today, I am glad William is a happy baby most of the time. It helps.
 
10/2
Day 102 — I don’t want to be scared to take William places, but sometimes I am.
(Ed. Note — This was the morning after the Las Vegas massacre, at the time the deadliest modern mass shooting incident in the U.S.)
 
10/1
Day 101 – Today I got really excited about sharing future hobbies with William.
 
9/29
Day 99 — I can consistently make William smile. This is power unlike anything I could ever dream.
 
9/28
Day 98 — Car seats are now too easy to install. How am I supposed to commiserate with all the older parents?
 
9/27
Day 97 — My son’s gigantitude might mandate time spent at the gym. This just became a problem.
 
9/26
Day 96 — William’s nap time white noise is so h*cking soothing.
 
9/25
Day 95 — Wife Wife’s advise to William — “Don’t get too happy or you’ll poop.”
 
9/24
Day 94 — William is very strong.
 
9/23
Day 93 — Science determined today that every baby is small and dumb except William who is giant and brilliant.
(Ed. Note — Not proud of this one)
 
9/22
Day 92 — At three months old, William now seems to notice when I leave for the day. He follows me with his eyes. The guilt is real.
 
9/21
Day 91 — William finally learned how to human. In the mornings, we sit in bed and watch silly videos.
 
9/20
Day 90 — Having a kid makes work more stressful.
 
9/17
Day 87 – Sarah refers to William’s loud fussing as his “break-up cry.” She then invents an elaborate story of heartache and ice cream.
 
9/16
Day 86 — I marvel at parents taking kids William’s age to football games. Do they just choose to interpret constant crying as cheering?
 
9/15
Day 85 — Everyone remembers the first time you call the cops on a party because it woke up your kid.
(Ed. Note — I lost count a long time ago)
 
9/14
Day 84 — Discovered William is directly detrimental to @PlayHearthstone success.
(Ed. Note — This is not always the case)
 
9/13
Day 83 — Still trying to train Hiccup to babysit William. Admittedly, diaper changing without thumbs is very hard.
 
9/11
Day 81 — I’ve never enjoyed someone looking at me as much as when William does it.
 
9/8
Day 78 — The one thing guaranteed to wake up William: Hiccup’s majestic ear thunder.
 
9/7
Day 77 — Watching Hitch while feeding William. He seems a bit too interested. Scared of combination of baby cuteness and pick-up grossness.
 
9/6
Day 76 — Thinking of coaching William to eSports greatness. What game should I start him on?
 
9/5
Day 75 — Wife Wife routinely mixes up Hiccup and William’s names. This will certainly breed much calamity.
 
9/4
Day 74 — I said something funny. William then smiled. Confirmed: I am a funny dad.
 
9/3
Day 73 — William helped make coffee today. #ProudDad
 
9/2
Day 72 — Singing calms William, but he made me so grumpy I couldn’t remember any lyrics.
 
9/1
Day 71 — William slept till 7:30am today. Dunk.
 
8/31
Day 70 — Wife Wife was bottle feeding William. Reached for bottle, picked up wine glass. We got about five degrees away from drunk baby.
 
8/30
Day 69 — William is eating my memory. Or at least he makes a convenient excuse for forgetfulness.
 
8/29
Day 68 — Our doctor says we’re supposed to read to William. All I had was a Jack in the Box ad. I read him the Jack in the Box ad.
 
8/28
Day 67 — Wife Wife’s debate this morning: Is William a terrorist or a despot?
 
8/27
Day 66 – At church: William stays happy as long as music continues. I can work with this.
 
8/26
Day 65 — The wide neck of yesterday’s golfer shirt means that spit-up gets all over William, yet the shirt remains pristine. No stars.
 
8/25
Day 64 — I come home. Wife Wife declares William is dressed like a golfer. Proceeds to invent (fairly dull) life story. Lake house involved.
 
8/24
Day 63 — Must one become ticklish? William seemed to just now develop that trait…
 
8/23
Day 62 — Counting the days until William can play @farmingsim on the Switch. His tiny hands will guide many a combine.
(Ed. Note — Farming Simulator skipped this amazing marketing opportunity)
 
8/22
Day 61 — William celebrated turning two months old by punching himself in the face. Don’t worry — he stayed asleep.
 
8/21
Day 60 — Much debate over precisely when William becomes two months old.
 
8/20
Day 59 — Baby-wearing: hard on my back, otherwise fun.
 
8/19
Day 58 — Loud dog. Semi-truck. Full marching band. William woke to none of these things.
 
8/18
Day 57 — William is getting really good at head butting.
 
8/17
Day 56 — Night time feedings are starting to feel a bit lonely…everyone else is asleep.
 
8/16
Day 55 — New goal is to teach a college class while wearing William in a baby carrier.
 
8/15
Day 54 — Marketing blurb on diaper box: “Seasonal designs bring delight to diaper time!” What season are dinosaurs?
 
8/14
Day 53 — William refuses to recognize that the orderly execution of a schedule is comforting. #rude.
 
8/13
Day 52 – William picked his nose, then handed it to Wife Wife. Unclear if this was intentional. Either way, #ProudDad.
 
8/11
Day 50 — Night-time feedings are my new new favorite. Wife Wife sleeps, William eats, and I watch Arrow. Very productive.
 
8/10
Day 49 — Hungry but won’t eat, tired by won’t sleep. Bleh.
 
8/9
Day 48 — I killed a wasp with my foot. I’m doing what I can to make a safer world for my son.
 
8/7
Day 46 — Babies make it quite difficult to carry on a conversation in anything approaching a normal rhythm.
 
8/6
Day 45 – Waiting to fly home: despite his tendency to pee on me I am excited to see tiny baby son.
 
8/4
Day 43 – William is growing a tiny mustache. I love my tiny Burt Reynolds son.
 
8/3
Day 42 — Wife Wife found a magic hat. She put it on William and he transformed into a mushroom.
 
8/2
Day 41 — Came into the room to hear Sarah saying, “William, you’ll never be a good servant to the Motherland if you can’t escape a blanket.”
 
8/1
Day 40 — Sleeping is my new favorite.
 
7/31
Day 39 – Sneezes are my favorite.
 
7/29
Day 37 – Everything is a burp cloth.
 
7/27
Day 35 — William is very talented. He can pull a blanket from his feet to over his head while asleep. Much impressed.
 
7/26
Day 34 — My son is heavy enough that my shoulders are sore after holding him for any length of time. I love my fat tiny son.
 
7/25
Day 33 — Slightly dreading cross-state trip with human son and dog son.
 
7/24
Day 32 — One of those mornings where I don’t feel good going to work.
 
7/23
Day 31 — @PokemonGoApp, please include a “caught while holding baby” multiplier. Thanks.
 
7/22
Day 30 — One month in…when does my son get to have a complete skull?
 
7/21
Day 29 — Hiccup licked William in the mouth…are we good?
 
7/20
Day 28 — Apparently it takes twenty-eight days for my wife to start contemplating having more children…waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
 
7/19
Day 27 — The Great British Baking Show is apparently the exception to Day 25. I can live with this.
 
7/18
Day 26 – *Fart Sound* “Was that you or him?”
 
7/17
Day 25 — The idea of watching a whole episode of a television show with my wife is a distant memory. No spoilers plz.
(Ed. Note — Games of Thrones started that day)
 
7/16
Day 24 – Not posed. My baby goes harder than you.
 
7/15
Day 23 — “I couldn’t tell if that was his mouth or his butt.”
 
7/14
Day 22 – Supergirl is still fun to watch, even with the sound turned waaaaaaay down so your baby doesn’t wake up.
 
7/13
Day 21 – Stuck at work while William fusses through a growth spurt..
 
7/12
Day 20 — I witnessed the first time William thought he needed to sneeze and could not. His angst was fleeting, yet profound.
 
7/11
Day 19 – Contrary to conventional sentiment, I can talk about my relationship with son without belittling my wife’s efforts.
 
7/10
Day 18 — I just realized I can have a cool baby. #MBMBaM
 
7/9
Day 17 — Why spend energy trying to convince me that my kids smiles are unrelated to our interaction? Let me think my kid is happy.
 
7/8
Day 16 — When your kid spits up an entire feed and is so congested he can’t breath. Scariest moment of my life. William’s okay now.
 
7/7
Day 15 – How should I classify my baby in terms of D&D alignment?
 
7/6
Day 14 — Parents are great. They love their grandkid so much they clean your house. *mouth full of french fries* THANKS MOM AND DAD.
 
7/5
Day 13 — William was unfazed by your silly explosions. NICE TRY AMERICA.
 
7/4
Day 12 — Whoever decided to celebrate independence via loud explosions never took care of an infant. Revolutionary-era men suck.
 
7/3
Day 11 — At what age can a chid fully appreciate Mario Kart? Can my son be that age now please? I want to play Mario Kart with my tiny son.
 
7/2
Day Nine — “That is a lake of poop.”
 
7/1
Day Eight — I fear I will accidentally put breastmilk on my cereal.
(Ed. Note — I now regularly taste breast milk to ensure freshness)
 
6/30
Day Seven — I now unconsciously sway back and forth while standing.
(Ed. Note — I still do this)
 
6/29
Day Six — Going back to work feels weird. I don’t like it.
 
6/28
Day Five — Confirmed: Tubthumping does NOT wake up my baby. He needs to eat. I am out of ideas.
 
6/27
Day Four — Feeding progressing, but I long for the day I can just hand him a chicken strip and call it good.
 
 
6/26
Day Three – Signing stuff for another person is weird.
 
 
6/25
Day Two – There’s a reason there is no “day one” tweet. Never been so glad to hear my wife snore.

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